As you remember, Mr. Kerouac wooed me right at first. We saw each other a few times. We went to brunch because I wasn’t sure if I was comfortable going to dinner. What if he has a weird voice? I hate not knowing someone’s voice. He was funny and intelligent.
But, Warning Sign #1:
-He told me how men thought overall. “It’s okay that you didn’t play a lot of sports because guys don’t like that. Guys like girls that are girly” Okay. No.
But when I’m bored, tired, and hoping to make out with someone, I think I overlook things like that. I don’t want him as a boyfriend. I just want a good kisser and someone that is entertaining. He asked me over to “listen to records and talk”. Code for make out.
Warning Sign #2:
-He didn’t ask me out out to see if there was romance. But again, I wanted to make out.
He had purchased two different types of wine, got hummus and crackers, and bought cheese cake and chocolate cake. He owned a teensy little house with stark-lined album art hanging on the walls. It was clean and he was relaxed. He had me pick my favorite album and we talked while I got annoyed that he wasn’t making any moves.
Finally, I move to leave, and he finally kisses me. His lips are soft, but his long beard and mustache are scratching. They’re so long that the hairs start to get a little wet. He is a talented and accommodating kisser. He goes to move me to his room.
Warning Sign #3:
-He struggles to lift me. I hate that. I hate feeling bigger and stronger than a guy. Call me too hetero-normative, but whatever.
He loved my bright blue, lacy bra and matching panties. He started to dry hump me, but didn’t actually touch me. I know I’m saving certain things for marriage…but if you’re dry humping me, don’t you think you could help things out with a finger or two? It was hot how many positions he moves me in and when he tells me that I look beautiful flushed.
Warning Signs #4 & #5:
-He couldn’t get my bra off…hasn’t he practiced? Weird. Unbecoming.
-He didn’t try to finish me. Most guys try. I haven’t had a guy not try.
He kept trying to woo me, talk to me, text me, then called me out for always being busy. But here’s the thing Mr.Kerouac, I expect guys to truly ask me on dates. And I expect to not feel the heebie-jeebies if I think about them touching me again.