Abercrombie and Awkward

We get ready in her tiny little apartment. It has one and a half windows, painted white cabinets, and four pieces of furniture. Tonight, we’re happy. We dance around to our “We Out” playlist made in the honor and spirit of the Ciara song of the same name. HLM met a boy, a man, really (Big Sexy for short) a few days earlier. We are going to meet him at a small country bar that has pretty great live music. His cousin is playing and Big Sexy wants to spend every second with HLM the last few days. She wants to as well but keeps pretending otherwise, “but what if he always wants to be together. This is a lot.” Already talking like they are a real couple after four days of hanging out. I encourage her to be open to him because I knew she was going to fall in love after their first date. HLM and I danced and jumped around far too long for her to not be in love with him.

She wore a purple tank that draped low across her chest and was sure to have Big Sexy captivated. I was attending with them mostly so I could spend some time with him and observe HLM being infatuated. She never likes anyone and she seems to like him. He arrives to pick us up and he’s wearing his typical old man style button up. Standing next to him is his Abercrombie model brother in a black polo. Well well well, I think, mentally rubbing my greedy hands together, this is a wonderful development. He’s 2 years younger than me. 19 at this point. Too young to get in to this bar, but since his cousin is playing, he sidles up right inside and he and I quickly intertwine our legs together on the barstools. Big Sexy doesn’t notice but HLM does. Routinely poking that “Oh heeeeyyyy” spot located between your hips and your ribs. I buy Abercrombie Jack and Cokes and we laugh about how infatuated the new couple is.

None of us listened to the music. No idea what his cousin sounds like. The boys drive us home. Big Sexy didn’t drink but Abercrombie and I are buzzed and have slid close to each other in the backseat. His arm goes around my shoulder and he rubs his thumb in big strokes across my whole back. Back at the Almost-Windowless apartment, HLM breaks out her parent’s old foldable picnic table. The two huge boys sit across from us, we get more beers and play Apples to Apples. Abercrombie has his hand under the table and is stroking my leg the whole time. Big Sexy has no idea why HLM ushers him out the door to go “pick up ice cream” at the grocery store. As soon as they’re out the door, we’re together. His body is hard and his lips are stiff. He’s a good kisser but a stubborn one. His hands move quickly and he sets me on the leather couch. We’re fast and furious and making out like high schoolers. He jumps up and we arrange in .2 seconds when we hear the warning knock on the door. HLM wordlessly giggles and Big Sexy looks shocked as he realized for the first time what was happening all night.

In true high school fashion, nothing ever comes from this. Besides every awkward interaction as we run in to each other every few months over the last year and a half. HLM and Big Sexy fell in love. They’re engaged now and couldn’t be happier.

Abercrombie and I are the Best Man and Maid of Honor.


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