“Have you thought about ________?” or “Oh! I think you would like my friend _______.” are common phrases I hear whenever I meet anyone new or with casual friends. The friends you worked at David’s Bridal with 4 years ago in your undergraduate career or the friend of the friend you recently met at church. Somehow, in your new (or renewed) connection, your singleness gets brought up. Most people seem to have a way to fix that, so insert the phrases above. I don’t mind too terribly much as it’s a nice idea to entertain the notion of meeting someone organically and not having to tell my parents that I met my future husband on Tinder. Or OKCupid. Or Coffee Meets Bagel.
Several months ago, an acquaintance that knew me when I was 18 and the girlfriend of The First One and again when he worked for me on the university’s campus and again when he is good friends with one of my coworkers, suggested on our work’s version of GChat that I should meet his friend JT. He basically set us up to chat, JT quickly asked me to lunch, it went well, but he never asked me out again. He would chat with me consistently on Gchat, sending me hipster music and talking about Star Wars and Lord of the Rings. He was funny and weird and helped the days to pass by faster. Eventually, our acquaintance played telephone with me and “his friend” because “his friend” wanted to ask out one of my friends, R, from church. R is a beautiful blonde haired, blue eyed, lovely person. She has a bubbly sassy personality; she also talks about God consistently. Which is great until it begins to ostracize people around her and start to feel condemning. “His friend” turned out to be JT. JT then decided to own up to liking her then asked me things like her favorite color and flower and were there any red flags. “Take her on a date and see!” was my answer though I knew that she would not like how uncool he is. Smart, funny, handsome-in-an-awkward-way, but not suave, relaxed, and cool which is much more of R’s type.
If I’m being honest, I was a little confused at why JT would talk so consistently with me, but never ask me out. Him asking R out made it official that he was not interested. “Cool! I can stop being confused!” I said to myself. Things ended with them being “friends”. All of a sudden he is back on GChat asking what I’m looking for in a man–“you know…if I were to set you up since you helped me out”. Sure, JT, sure. Then he begins to ask me approximately 800 questions about me. Who I am and what I want from life and what is my MBTI (INFJ holla!) and then he compares our personality types to let me know that we are often dubbed “the golden pair” being INTP and INFJ. Eventually this happens:
JT- “Do you like friends who are pretty straightforward with you? Maybe even to the point of bluntness? Or friends who hold back when it might cause tension”
Me- “Are you trying to ask if you can be blunt with me…? Or is this purely hypothetical?”
JT- “the former”
Me- “You can be blunt with me if you need to”
JT- “I probably don’t “need” to be”
Me- “Did I do something to offend you? Now you have me worried”
JT- “you’re great”
Me- “Then feel free, really.”