2015. A Big Thing & A Feeling & An Exhale

January
I started this year by myself. Toasting the year with champagne and chipped black nails. By chance, my nails are the same and my relationship status is the same.
A big thing that happened: I did a huge cleanse. No sugar, no dairy, no salt, no gluten, no nuts. I lost 7 pounds in two weeks, kept it off, and basically seemed to balance my hormones for the first time in a year.
A feeling I felt: Overwhelmed with newness. New hormones and new engagement for my best friend in the world.

February
Big thing: Lots of adventures with my best friend. Snow days, sing alongs, wedding dress shopping, and hikes.
Feeling: Sadness that my life would not always stay this way. What would we do without the rhythms that we were used to? What would we do without each other? What would I do alone?

March
Big thing: I got hair extensions that changed how I felt about myself. I also travelled to New Orleans with my coworker bff and visited a psychic who accurately predicted my big move, pinned my past boyfriend to a T, and predicted my work bff’s future beau. At this same time, I exchanged cards with a man that worked in Boston.
Feeling: Fresh and renewed. New Orleans gave me permission to breathe and just have fun again.

April
Big thing: I took several trips to see my family. First, my darling best friend cousin visited Texas where we two-stepped, ate burgers, and drank margaritas in the streets. Second, I wore matching dresses with my beautiful 7 year old niece.
Feeling: Warm with familial love. Who doesn’t want to feel special with their family. My cousin and I are still close after years apart, and my niece looks at me like I hung the moon and made the stars sparkle.

May
Big thing: One of my best friend’s left my college town and my work bff/boss left our company. I also got to see Taylor Swift live. I loved her since her first CD so this was wonderful.
Feeling: Left behind. People were moving on and up and I was in school for something that never felt rewarding. I felt stuck in life, location, love, and work.

June
Big thing: I traveled to see one of my collegiate friends in California. We dressed in our fashion-y-est outfits and drank wine in Napa. We talked about big career goals, race, friendship, and other big life things.
Feeling: Inspired to be my best self. The best type of support is solidarity in your situation. Someone that is going through the same trenches as you.

July
Big thing: My dog broke his toe. It cost $400 and required us to go to the vet several times a week. My best friend had her bachelorette weekend full of sun and alcohol and tension and celebration.
Feeling: Incredulous at the mundane things in life. How can a little pinky toe on a dog be the same price as my rent? How can I want life to speed up but stay the exact same forever?

August
Big thing: I graduated with my master’s degree and I was recruited by the guy from Boston. The same one from March. I had a phone interview for my dream city on the East coast.
Feeling: Excited that my life finally seemed impressive again. Sad that I felt the need to “keep up with the Jones'”. Pathetic that “The Jones'” were my beautiful, unique, talented, and diverse set of supportive friends.

September
Big thing: My best friend in the whole world got married. Oh, and I interviewed in person in Boston. And got offered the job. But mostly, the love of my life up to this point, found the love of her life for forever.
Feeling: Utterly thrilled for my heterolifemate. Utterly devastated for myself. They existed on different planes completely. Happy to have an offer that meant I could take my life into my own hands. That the decisions of others weren’t the only things that changed every little tiny aspect of my life.

October
Big thing: I moved. To Boston. By myself. I packed up my life, sold my car, left my home of the last 6 years, took my dog, and road tripped to a little brownstone apartment in the heart of the city.
Feeling: Every single feeling. Every single day. That’s what uprooting your life and moving to a city where you don’t know a single soul does for you.

November
Big thing: Everyone I loved came to visit me. I explored the new city. I had equal amount of good days and bad days. I went on a few dates. I turned down some terrible offers. I stuck up for myself at work, celebrated Thanksgiving at home, and made a bunch of smart and dumb decisions.
Feeling: Brave. Like every single day I’m learning more about who I am and what I truly want out of life.

December
Big thing: I hosted my parents and my sister in my little, cozy apartment in the city. Saw the ballet, ate award winning Christmas dinner, went to a Bruins game, and continued to get annoyed by my sister no matter how grown up we get. Oh…and I might have realized what I told you in my previous post.
Feeling: The fluidity of life. It’s an adventure. It’s a ride. It’s better to be able to go with the flow, to accept things as they come, and to fully be myself.

So that is what I’m going to do. Less up and down. Less down. More up. I read somewhere once that there are “inhale years and exhale years”. I had a big ol’ inhale year. I know that I’ll still be inhaling a whole hell of a ton, but I’m hoping to balance it with big, yoga-“om” style, insides-massaging, bad ju-ju releasing, exhale. 

Things I Did This Week

Things I Did This Week

-Ate two pints of ice cream. The kind with the brand name candies in it- M&M and Snickers. I purchased it in the city CVS. The CVS that I used to walk into with my dog. We would walk in three or four times a week. We would get olive oil and toilet paper. Or salt, ramen, bath salts, cheap makeup that I rubbed off as I teared up each time I was lonely, and some green juice. You know, to be healthy. One of the times that I cried the most was when some evil lady called the health department to report that dogs were in the store. Our favorite worker, Lena told us she cried when she put up the ‘No Dogs Allowed’ sign. So yea, two pints of ice cream.
– Downloaded a devotional on gratitude. I did it two days in a row and then forgot about it today. Each day I journaled about the things that I am happy for, that I am blessed, that have been given to me. Like God fulfilling my desire to move across the country to Boston. Like having a break from the job that I moved across the country for that, turns out, is really not the field I think I’m supposed to be in. And having two straight days of no heat in my radiator, then the boiler got fixed, then my pipe leaked and soaked my area rug, but THEN my upstairs neighbor fixed it with his wrench that he assumed I didn’t own.
Considered another major life change. When people asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I always gave three answers. 1) A librarian in a small beach town 2) design bikinis on the beach or 3) a midwife later on in life. Later on in life used to mean “idk maybe after i’ve been married and raised kids and didn’t have anything else to do”. Well, I think maybe later on in life might be soon.

So here I am, 1 semester out of grad school, 3 months after moving thousands of miles away from my home and accepting a fancy new position in higher education…and I might be starting the second career portion of my life. Maybe.