Shit, I Have a Stalker

At the end of the week, I was heading home. I’m ready to see my chosen family-the loves of my life, and I’m ready to forget about Boston for a week. I have sufficiently dodged Mr. Kennedy for the last few days. I’m not interested, and we haven’t spent enough time together for our interactions to warrant anything more than a fade out.

He texts me 14 times that first weekend. Asking me how I am, telling me every two seconds to have fun, calling me by ridiculous pet names over and over again.
-I’ll top bothering you now, and during your trip- just wanted to check in as I’ve been concerned about how you’ve been feeling the past week or so. Enjoy the big day, and have a great flight and time! Texas-bound 🙂
-Did you make it? Yes.
 Glad you made it baby 🙂 and thanks for letting me know. Enjoy the much deserved break my dear. Have a sweet time in Texas (jealous) and with the bestie (hi HLM!)
SO many texts before and after. I’m with my friends and annoyed he continues to bother me- sending one or two word answers, then altogether ignoring him.
As he continues to reach out, I read all of this to my friends, them feeling more and more incredulous at his gall.
Then, he reaches out on Facebook:
-I’ll leave you alone Han but I just want to ask one thing
-Do you have time for a quick call? Or we can just talk when you return
I ignore him, because this is getting ridiculous. I don’t even talk a 5 year long boyfriend when I’m traveling and with my friends. Then, another hour goes by, and he calls. I text him.
-Mr. Kennedy, please relax. I’m with my friends and family and that’s the headspace I’m in
-Ok thanks. That’s all I needed to know
-Just please tell me that next time from the beginning- I completely understand that headspace, and I sensed it which is why I’ve been trying to leave you alone. All it takes is 5 seconds to tell me that – then I don’t have to worry this whole past week or so. Enjoy the rest of your time! 🙂
Incredulous by the way he thinks he deserves any sort of response after his ridiculous, needy, possessive, unwarranted behaviors, I ignore him one more time. Then, he calls AGAIN. 
-Mr. Kennedy, I think you’ve made it clear over the last week or two how invested you are in this. I am not ready to date just one person or start a relationship. I just want to focus on my own self and life right now. I don’t want you waiting another week like you said- so I’m ending things. Wish you the best. 

*he calls me-I ignore*
-I had a feeling Le Distraire. Can I at least talk to you for a few minutes? I feel like ending it this way over text is a little harsh, I’d prefer to talk to you over the phone.

-I really don’t think it’s necessary. I don’t have any other explanation besides that I don’t desire it in my life. Sorry that it’s harsh for you. 
*he calls again*
-It is very hurtful, yes. And I was very invested in you…I guess I’m just surprised how quickly it turned for you. I really thought we had a special connection and we’re taking things at a reasonable pace meeting once a week. But I had a sense things were up for you. I did everything I could for you and my generosity and care for you far exceeds some stupid cowboy holding a door for you. I have a big heart and with that comes big losses I suppose for me 
(*he clearly has been looking at my Twitter without following me, because I tweeted about a nice southern boy holding the door in a sweet gesture*)
We had such great chemistry, we even had the same personality type! What went wrong?
-It’s not even a month yet…
-And I opened my heart to you through my writing. I have done that for very few people.

*yikes! yikes! yikes! the intensity level is so clearly elevated way past what makes logical sense that i’m freaked out and annoyed at his anger* 
This is exactly why. Way too intense way too quickly. I think you sensed feelings from my side that just aren’t there. You’ll find someone but it’s really not me.
*he calls again-ignored*
I feel like the least you could do is have a phone call with me even if it’s 10 minutes. Obviously you wouldn’t like to but it would mean something to me- not sure if you care about that or if you ever did. I have never had a text message break up before…
-And I really would expect more from you
-Please Le Distraire.
-And you just removed me from Facebook…wow.
-Very sad day, Le Distraire.

At this point, I’m incredibly weirded out and mad. He’s behaving like we were together, but we weren’t even close. He’s berating me and refusing to leave my alone. He calls me again, I ignore it, but my best friend accidentally calls him back when she’s listening to his latest crazy voicemail.
-Sorry was on the other line – I can talk now
I didn’t mean to call-I don’t feel like I owe you any more explanation. Please stop reaching out. You’re making me uncomfortable. 
-Weren’t you just calling?
-Sigh.
-I’m just curious- how was I being too intense? I did join online dating in the first place for hopes of a more serious relationship than college. And to be fair, some of the more romantic/heavy items like the ballet were things you suggested. And you wanted to see my writing…and you wanted to see me on Wednesday. I’m just confused.
-I never asked if you were dating other guys…and you asked about my family, wanting to see my hometown, etc. I wanted to see you once a week and say goodnight to you, is that so intense?
-Stop. Now.


He’s seriously delusional. The things he mentioned were casual, general interest things. Oh you never stop talking about being a writer? Sure, I’ll read something if you send it. Oh, you love your family a lot? What are they like? Literally, just normal trying to gauge someone in the first few dates. Nothing intense. No huge connection. Hence, the try for the slow fade. Two hours later…
-Ok. I mean hopefully you can understand how I’m quite heartbroken…and was hoping to talk about it. There was a lot I would have liked to talk to you about before you dropped this. All I can say is, I’m sad…and I will miss you.
*an hour later*
Will you miss me at all?
I think that was a pocket text. Please Le Distraire…I hope you take some time to reconsider this decision :/
*an hour later*
I’m sending you one final email which I hope you will read as I have things to get off my chest- all I ask is you read. If I never see you again, I wish you the best Le Distraire. I enjoyed every minute we had together.
*the next day…literally…all of that was one day. i’m exhausted and worried for my safety*
-I just sent you an email (not long, don’t worry) which I please ask you read. Basically, I’m sorry. But I hope you take it to heart.
*an hour later*
-When you have read it please let me know.
The email was sent as an attached Word document…
Le Distraire,

I want to say I’m sorry. I’m sorry for taking things so seriously. I clearly had the wrong mindset about where we were in our relationship. My mindset was probably something that would have been more appropriate at something like the 6 month mark instead of the 1 month. A lot of this I blame on myself, because I do have a big heart, and while it means I am selfless and extremely generous on the one hand, I also can get carried away emotionally. My heart carried me away – and I’m sorry. It’s something I’m working on, it’s a personality thing I have to keep in check and I freely admit that. The last thing I wanted to do was scare you off. I should have left you alone ever since Wednesday and during your whole Texas trip. On top of my own heart, I think I felt an extra urgency to accelerate by the fact that you seemed inches away from leaving this place from early on. I felt extra motivated to be your support network up here, and I jumped in too deep. I was trying to show I cared. I wrongfully thought of you as my girlfriend at this point, and you rightfully didn’t consider me your boyfriend quite yet. I just wish we had an honest conversation about this before you decided to make this decision, I think it would have helped things a lot and I could have easily adjusted if we were just frank with one another. 
Le Distraire…I’m sorry. All I can ask and hope for is that you give me a second chance. Life is all about second chances, and if it weren’t, it would be quite a cruel and harsh world. I would love to start from scratch and date on a casual basis – have a much more slow and open relationship where we see each other less frequently than we were, be fine with dating other people, and seeing where it takes us. I just feel like things ended way too abruptly and that we were just starting to get to know one another. 
Please Le Distraire, I hope you take my apology to heart. I’ve been losing sleep over it as you can probably tell. I hope you find it in your heart to reconsider this decision and to open up lines of communication with me again.”
*
4 hours later- another email*
I really had zero right to question you yesterday about a lack of communication on the basis of 1 month of casual dating. I wish with all my heart I could take it back. I’m truly sorry Le Distraire. And I wish I wasn’t so intense about us. All I can say is if you decide to see me again, I’ll be different – I’ve already learned a lot from my mistake. I do hope you will consider getting back to me and consider casually dating me again – we had a spark that I don’t want to see die :/
*
two hours later- a text*
-I’ll stop bothering you, you’ve made yourself clear. I hope you keep your promise of hanging onto my number if you ever change your mind!
Time can change a lot of things
Again, I ignore this. I haven’t responded in a full day. My male friends are offering to call him. My pseudo moms are worried about my safety when I return to Boston. I’m STILL SO ANNOYED BECAUSE I’M WITH MY FRIENDS and he’s doing the very opposite of what I said I wanted, PLUS he thinks there’s anything between us that might warrant this reaction from him. Holy. Shit. I have a stalker. A this point, I really think he’ll just leave me alone. I promise my friends I will be way more firm if he says anything else, but I just know that he has to be done.
Then, he calls me again, and basically reads the email verbatim begging me for another chance. Another chance at what?! Getting to know if we wanted to see each other again? You don’t get a second chance in that. I just wasn’t interested. I thought you were boring and awkward. And boy was I wrong. You are intense and insane.

-I’m not going to reconsider and the way you continue to handle this is making me feel threatened. Do not contact me anymore in any capacity including a response to this message. I’m blocking your number and will take further action if you violate my request.

He hasn’t reached out since.
And with that, I am officially marrying my dog.

 

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