No More Mr. Nice Guy

“Oh…so being from the other side of this equation 95% of the time, I just want you to know that you’re not allowed to say the things that you said. You can’t say ‘You can manage the store I’m going to open later in my life’. And you can’t say that you want to be the Dustin to my Stranger Things’ Eleven Halloween costume. You’re not allowed to make plans for our future. You’re not allowed to come over multiple times after I get back from vacation; you flirted with me, you asked probing questions, you had me make dinner for you. 

You laid on my bed and touched my body and let me touch yours. 

You can’t do that shit and then when I tell you ‘I like you. Just FYI. No defining the relationship or anything’, say, ‘Well, I’m still really messed up from my ex’. 

Were you messed up from your ex 15 minutes ago when you came in 20 seconds while getting head? Or were you okay enough to handle that?

You can’t be an asshole if you’re not an asshole. You can’t act like you’re moving towards a relationship and then back off and still be a nice guy. 

You’re officially not a nice guy.”

This is what I said to the Lion.

Except I didn’t. He said the “messed up from my ex” line. All I said was “Oh. I thought something was off.” Then I kissed his cheek and shut the door.

Fucking not a nice guy.

Lion

Each time we saw each other at parties, we always had little interactions. Small conversations. Little acknowledgement of each other’s jokes. And then he stayed the latest at my best friend’s going away party. I told her I had a crush. He seemed smart and kind and quiet and funny and kind and had beautiful curly hair that looks a little bit like a lion’s mane and dressed subtly cute and was so kind. Did I say he was kind? 

My best friend told him we would be a good match. He casually asked for my number and called me that week. Our first date was drinks. We talked for 4 hours. All sorts of topics from politics to religion to friendships to family to gun control. Random and intense but so so easy. We line up on almost everything. We made up stories for each of the couples in the room. It was easy and I was excited. 

 I saw him 3 more times without him kissing me. I was leaving for a two week trip to Europe. I invited him over earlier that morning to come over and hang out for a bit. We ended up kissing and he was so gentle and strong at the same time. He’s incredibly shy and quiet most of the time and he was silent while he kissed me. It was strange but not in a weird way. 

The weeks I was gone, we flirted and chatted through snapchat. Two weeks worth of build up. By the end he was saying that he couldn’t wait for me to be home and that he was excited to see me. He came over two nights ago. The build up culminated. As we started making out, I paused to give boundaries “This is probably a good time to tell you that I’m not going to have sex with you”. He sort of giggled and said “Okay”. That’s it. I’ve never had that reaction before and I felt extremely self conscious all of a sudden. I wanted him to compliment me, say he liked me, ask to see me again. Instead he was quiet. Attentive, but quiet. Gentle, passionate, talented, but quiet. It unnerved me a bit and I said “You are so quiet.” with a little too much passion that sounded like a criticism. However, I only meant it out of a place of insecurity. I texted apologizing with that later and he responded with “Oh no worries! I wasn’t offended. I’ll be sure to be more communicative next time. I enjoyed everything :)” After we finished, i snuggled up in front of him and he became way more talkative when we weren’t face to face. He told me about his goals-being a head strength coach is his mid goal and owning a high performance gym is his later in life goal. I responded with how great that was that he had clear goals. There was a pause and he says “and you can manage it with your wine store management skills”. 

He left yesterday for a weekend trip to Colorado with his dad. He didn’t ask me out. He didn’t say he wants to see me again. 

So, I’m confused. He says certain things that seems like he admires me and may have a crush as well. Like the comment above. But then he doesn’t seem like he’s pursuing me much. 

Is he just shy? Should I take the lead? The “male” role of asking out each time in the beginning until he’s comfortable? He could say no if he doesn’t like me, right? I don’t think he’s an asshole that just says things like that for no reason. 

Does he like me?

Shit. 

I like him.