We went on 2 more dates and watched a movie one more time. First, we went to the beach in his car. He was boring and had nothing to say in the car. I chocked it up to nerves-well, I crossed my fingers at least. The beach was beautiful though, and so were the charming Cape Cod style houses everywhere. I was grateful to have my dog
with us so I had something to do. The next date, he picked me up at my house. We went down the street to the local gay hot spot. He ate a teeny tiny pasta dish, which annoyed me because aren’t you a grown man? Eat some real food. You just said that you were starving. We headed to the ballet after that. He purchased tickets for us. Not just any tickets, the most expensive ones. Honestly, I dressed for the show. A twirly black skirt and a lacy semi-see through black tank. I was stopped three separate times and told how beautiful I looked. Mr. Kennedy just sat/stood there stupidly attentive with not much to contribute. Over the next few days, I kept trying to find any of the spark I thought we might have. We fooled around a bit-which was a complete mistake. He was terribly inexperienced, and worse, grumpy once I began directing him some so that maybe it might be enjoyable. After that, I was completely turned off. I just wanted him to go away. I cancelled on our plans for the next night claiming a “headache”. I agreed to see him Wednesday to watch Spotlight. I begrudgingly stuck to these plans. He showed up all eager. He picked up burgers on the way to my place, but didn’t order fries for himself. He doesn’t like them. WHO DOESN’T LIKE FRIES?! I was not feeling it to the point where I could barely look at him and made sure there was a pillow between us on the couch. I shrugged away from his touch. It was clear to every other person that this would definitely be our last interaction. I wasn’t feeling it and we hadn’t seen each other enough to even warrant a discussion about it. We briefly discuss my being annoyed at my coworker earlier for generalizing that my home state is racist and a few other quick day updates. It was a super fast conversation-like one you might have with a casual friend over a rushed midday lunch. Trying to be polite and bring up topics that sound like you care that they’re there and that they’re not just a distraction from your windowless office.
I don’t respond to him that night when he says he makes it home. I’m heading back to my home state that weekend and fully expect that the 4 days I’m gone will solidify the previous night’s awkward and dull closure.
Boy. I was wrong. The next morning at work, I get this:
“Had a great night with you Le Distraire. Really hope your headache dies down and you start feeling better I still feel so bad that I’m the one who likely got you sick from the ballet, I’m sure I at least didn’t help. Hopefully the winter-related sicknesses will be done with soon. Loved watching Spotlight with you! Just a very important film that everyone should watch and be aware of – really shows the power of journalism at its finest and reveals how horrific those events were. Hope you got a good night’s sleep 🙂 Of course liked hanging out with your dogtoo.
Enjoyed our convo afterwards too, funny how politically we really mesh as moderates, and aren’t easily defined. I’m so sorry that you have to deal with these incredibly annoying and bigoted individuals at work – all I can say is PLEASE don’t let them discolor what you think of This Town as a whole. They are certainly not representative by any stretch. I know you aren’t letting it impact, but I’m sure the thought has creeped in your head, and my family and my friends could not be more different from those who are making fun of you or Your Home State or over-generalizing about anything. I am basically obsessed with Your Home State and always romanticized about the South ever since I was a a kid, and like to think myself a very tolerant person – that’s how I was raised and those were the friends I gravitated to. I strongly disagree with Northerners on many issues, too many to count. And I can totally agree and see what you’re saying about This Town not being a paradise of tolerance and openness. While the state has done some things right, there is no denying that it is not the tolerant paradise many claim it to be. Maybe because it’s such a blue and supposedly progressive state, the hypocrisy when it shows sticks out a lot more, but I’d also like to think we’re better than at least some other places in this country. But I totally can see where you’re coming from, and that New Yorker girl sounds like a downright disgusting human.
There are certainly plenty of detestable This Town-isms to go around, which there is absolutely an element to truth to all of them, but like just about everything in this world – the state and the people are overall more complex than that, just like Your Home State
is way more complex and diverse than your remarkably rude and annoying co-worker would claim. And I know you love This Town but I also wanted to make sure this girl didn’t completely ruin the image. In terms of diversity, while it is far, far from good, even in my own life I can attest to at least some diversity. My cousin is married to a black woman and another cousin is dating a black woman, I work with a very successful black man (married to a black woman) on a daily basis at my financial job, I went to high school with many black kids (I think 10-15% of the school is – not defending my school by any means, I don’t exactly look at BC High with rose colored glasses either), I commute with blacks every day on the train, my best friend from here is Jewish (he was also born in Your Home State!), and my older brother’s fiancee is Korean and Methodist. While there is a LOT of improvement to be had in this city as you aptly claim, and there are definitely racist trends here, and many homogenous sections (a substantial part of MA consists of WASP yankees and Catholics as you have pointed out) I think it also points to a racist underbelly throughout just about all of America, and one thing I agree with Obama on is that America has never really, truly liberated itself from its racist legacy. It still lingers, even flourishes – look at Trump’s rise in all regions – North, East, South, West – in this country just to speak to that alone. And even though yes I did go to Catholic high school and college, to me the most important thing is being Christian in terms of a relationship. And with friends, I have made friends of all races and religions. Again, I was raised that way.
Also just want to clarify, even though I may come from an elite background, I could not think or act more differently from elitists. And our family certainly does not identify with elitists or anyone from the “rich” class. Not too many people know this, but I really did not have a great experience in college like I told you today. I did not relate to the majority of Georgetown students because of the elitism. My best friend from college (Philip, Presbyterian from Missouri) was also not an elitist, so we got along really well from the first day in college and were roommates up to the last day. I just don’t want you to get the wrong picture about me. I’m very sensitive and self-conscious about money, elitism, status, all of that – and it really could not be further from who I am. If I could live life my way, I would just listen to country or read on the front porch in flannel and jeans all day with a glass of lemonade in hand. I actually enjoy mowing the lawn. And I love the Southern lifestyle. Sometimes I wish I just went to a Southern public school, like you did, where people are more down to earth and the culture is more up my alley. And for the record, I do not look down on ANYONE who went to state school. Intelligence is not something that is determined by the school name attached to your diploma, it’s all about the person. You are brilliant and went to state school. Trump is case and point of the all-too-frequent spoiled rotten, self-entitled, egotistical, stupid moron who pays his way to an Ivy League education or whatever someone claims to be a “great” school. I knew a lot of idiots at my school.
And even my point about athletes, don’t want to be misunderstood there – obviously well-rounded people like Your Best Friend who work so hard deserve every reward that comes their way. Athletic training is essentially a full-time job for those that take it seriously like her and are as successful as she is. I guess the image I had were spoiled, pampered Vineyard Vine-wearing lax bros who had literally a 1.5 GPA and offers left and right, whereas other much more hard-working students who were not graced with good looks or physical superiority do not get the fair shake they deserve in comparison, that’s more the point I was trying to make I guess. And this is coming from someone who played basketball in high school and did D1 crew at Georgetown freshman year. But even then it’s not something I’m super passionate about haha, just was an observation. Besides like you said, athletics does a lot of good especially for Southern schools – in helping out education which obviously I’m all for!
Sorry for this rant! Lol, I just had a lot of thoughts after our convo…as the Mean Girls quote goes, “I just have a lot of feelings.” But Le Distraire, I also wanted to say all of this (I admit – partly for selfish reasons) because I don’t want you to leave This Town, at least not yet. I know we’ve only been dating for a month now, but speaking for myself I have enjoyed every minute together. I feel a special connection to you – for many, many reasons. I feel like we have great chemistry but also really click in terms of Christian and life values, personality, humor, etc. At the same time I want what is best for your career, your life, your happiness, and obviously you know in your heart what is best for you. And I don’t want you to be killing yourself in a job that you hate and is physically tolling on you, because again, I really care about you as I hope you know by now.
All I can say is – if you do decide to leave the job, I would plead that you stay in the city for at least some time to see how things turn out for us. This Town has a lot of great medical training and resources (I know from my brother) that I’m sure would be great for you to help with pre-reqs and experience for you wanting to become a midwife. And there is good, affordable real estate in hip/cool areas of the city. Even for me, I do not envision myself staying in This Town forever, and I always have dreamed of moving down South someday to raise a family. But for the near future I’m probably going to be stuck here. If it ever comes to you leaving This Town, I am 100% down to continue us long-distance until we were in the same place again – as long as you are. This is a lot of hypothetical and “what ifs” but I just wanted to be clear about my hopes for us amidst your doubts about This Town and also how much I care about you and your well-being. If it ever does come to the point where you are seriously considering leaving the city, I guess all I ask is that we have a heart-to-heart first. But no sense in worrying about this unless we have to cross that bridge 🙂
I’m sure we will talk before Friday afternoon when you’re at the airport, but have a safe flight babe and please let me know when you land. And of course have an awesome time in TX with Your Best Friend and your other friends! I’m glad you are getting a much-needed reprieve from This Town and the chance to visit home again for a little while. Even though I’ll miss you over the next week (or two? if I don’t see you before you leave for Maine the next weekend), I’ll try not to bother you, so you can enjoy your precious time down there. You’re gonna have a blast!
Anyway, end rant. Just wanted to elaborate on some thoughts I didn’t get to tonight.
P.S. I talked to my buddy Tom from work and he is down for a double-date soon, probably in April? His GF was visiting this weekend but of course you’ll be out of town – I’m sure we’ll figure out something for April though.”
What. The. Hell.
Who is this guy? Why did he react like we had hours long conversations? Why does he make it sound like I’m a super conservative biggot???? Like…our little conversation has ZERO relevance to this insane response. I couldn’t function after reading this. No way. Go away. Why does he use so many platitudes? And WHY DOES HE THINK WE ARE DATING?!?!?!
I’m annoyed. I’m disgusted. I’m weirded out.
I respond with:
“Wanted to let you know I read this. I don’t have time to respond right now.”
I thought it would be done. Again. I was so so SO wrong.