Making (Tentative & Bold) Plans

Alright, so now that I got that out of the way. We actually agree. On lots of things. But we’re both terrified. He’s scared he’s going to have to change. And I’m scared I’m not going to have control .

It’s laughable. A relationship without change, growth, adaptation, compromise, giving in…?

We’re hilarious really.

He’s nervous I won’t like his wild friends. I’m nervous he’s going to get plastered and embarrass me. Reality? I actually really enjoy going out. I haven’t had someone to do that with in a long time. Good drinks, fun people, dancing, music? I love it all. And, I’ve never actually heard of him drinking. Since we met, I’ve been the over-drinker. He’s stayed in most nights playing video games. And he got us a separate hotel room from his friends so that I would feel comfortable.

He over-explains his family. I get nervous that they’re heathens. Reality? They’re probably insanely lovely. I’m going to show them how funny, smart, and kind I find him. They’ll like us together most of the time, and sometimes, they’ll be confused because he’ll seem different. But, that is literally all relationships. When two people join, they make their own life together. Their own rules, traditions, rhythms. It’s okay. These people love him. And I lo…like him. We’ll get along.

I hate the distance part. He hates the distance part. Reality? We’ve each done our own thing for a long time. It’s actually not that far away. And if we stay together, being apart is completely part of that. More reality? We’re probably not that great at understanding each other on it so far. We REALLY like each other. But he’s hesitant to admit his feelings (see the scared of changing part) until I meet his friends and family. And I’m scared of being in a relationship (see the loss of control fear) and not being able to predict the outcome of all things. More reality? We’re still good to each other. We’re balancing it. We’re planning weekends: Memorial Weekend with his bff & his wife, and then a cookout with his family, then a ball in June, and then a whole week together. We’re flying in to Boston so I can show him what my life was there. Then traveling up the coast and “staying in bed and breakfasts and watching the sunrise on the coast!” (totallllllly wants a wild life…) of New Hampshire and Maine until we watch his friends get married.

We suck at this. Or maybe we’re normal.

Truly, I’m excited to find out.

This guy. He drives me nuts.

Trivial Pursuit of my Heart? Brain? Apathy?

I play trivia on a Thursday nights with a bunch of my girlfriends from church. Earlier this summer I thought I recognized the host as the best friend to the almost pastor with a hint of Aspergers that I dated once or twice (he was nice enough but so not a good fit for me). After 2 beers in, I Snapchat Aspergers Pastor and ask him if Trivia Host is his friend-he snaps back and says to tell TH hi and how he loves him. I call TH over to our table and replay the snap. He goes “oh nice! Tell him I love him too. Who are you? How do you know AP?” 

“Uhhh we dated a bit. I’m LeDistraire”

2 weeks later I get a Facebook message from Trivia Host:  

I realize this is pretty informal and out of left field, but I was just wondering if you would be at all interested in going to dinner some time. No pressure. If you’re not interested, then you’re not interested and that’s perfectly fine. Just wanted to see if that would be something you’d like to do.

It was cute enough. He gets my number, calls me, and sets up a time to meet. 

I’m not super excited as he seems a little too goofy and gangly for me. I end up super late to our date as I’m at a wine tasting for work. I’m also a lil drunk. Turns out he doesn’t drink and he wants to be a youth minister. I literally don’t understand how you can do both of those things. He asks me question after question and seems nervous. He’s smart though and very witty. It’s a fairly nice date. 

But then I head off to Europe with my friend. I figured I’d let it fizzle. I’m off doing adventurous things and I know I want someone that can match me in boldness in life. It’s probably not Trivia Host. He doesn’t even like Chick Fil A sauce.

But then his friend, the other guy I dated, messages me. Basically begging me to give Trivia Host a chance because he’s witty and the nicest guy he’s ever known. So I do. We go on a few more dates. He makes a perfect playlist and sets up speakers and dances with me in the middle of a gazebo. I break his SIX YEAR KISSING DRY SPELL. I didn’t know that or I wouldn’t have. Yikes! He truly is witty and nice. I slowly start to feel less and less attracted to him though.

Eventually, I look at him and see a weeny. Someone that hunches his shoulders and makes goofy faces and never works out. He seems like a kid brother.

I end things. We stay friends. It’s the first time I’ve stayed friends with someone that was falling for me. I give him advice on other girls. He gives me a birthday present when I turn 25. Sometimes I wish that I could like him in a real way. I don’t. But I know that if that changes, i’ll have to “beg to get him back. I’m not some easy floozy ya know?” (his words).

So, anyone need a nice guy? 

Long Island Mortification

I ran in to him at the bar.
I ran in to him at the gym.
I ran in to him at the Japanese restaurant where they grill food and light things on fire and say lame racist jokes all right in front of you.

My best friend’s mom was in town and took my BFF and all of her friends to dinner. Our waiter rolls up as soon as her mom gets done saying “I told your dad the other day that I’m going to start talking to waiters more. To be nice!” Naturally, our waiter is him.

The flashbacks come quickly and they’re just as weird as they were the first time:

It’s the summer after The First One. I’m Tinder-ing my little heart out. BFF and I decide to go dancing on a rooftop bar with friends and the other stragglers still here in the summer in this college town. She sees one of her fellow ex-athlete friends. Their chemistry has always been a little suffocating to those sitting next to them. They get tipsy together and bump and grind in their own private bubble. I wing-woman it and dance with his friend. Luckily he is funny and a good dancer. It cancels out his looks, which are not nearly as hot as the July in Texas air. In that dizzy haze that you get when full of alcohol, love for your friends, and perfect summer nights, I give him my number and agree to a date.

The date is rough. I’m in a weak spot. I want attention and I receive it from him in these varying forms:
-Drinks at the requisite bar that each town has that’s name The Office or The Library or whatever else
-Dancing at a local country bar, but mostly just making out in the upstairs corner while people stare
-Watching Brown Sugar on his couch, while avoiding him after the 10 minutes it took me to realize that I didn’t actually want to spend any more time with him
-Being compared to a “refreshing” alcoholic drink. A long island iced tea to be exact because “You have many aspects compared to others that helps you see and enjoy life in many ways”…uhh? No.

Basically my friends just call him Long Island from The Rooftop Bar and die laughing at any possible chance they have to bring him up.

Back to reality, I sink as low as I can in to my seat while Long Island half winks at me, graciously doesn’t say he knows me, then very obviously points me out to all the rest of his coworkers. “Not bad man” says one guy when I glance over and read his lips.

Mortification. That’s what dating gets you. Lame pick up lines and mortification.